Thursday, June 24, 2004
single parents of the world.
i'm not a parent and most of the time (i hope), i don't pretend to be. but these past few weeks with my parents still vacationing in Europe has turned me into a little, pseudo-parent. with kids ages 16, 14 and 11 (and sometimes, the 19 year old one has given me some grief too) i've tasted a sour bite of what single parents who work full time to support their family must go through. i don't know how they do it and how they have time to feed their own heart/mind but i suppose you come to a breaking point where you just decide to do it or to give up. perhaps that's why so many parents want little to do with raising kids. every day that goes by here, i think about how nice it would be for my own parents to walk through the front door of our home and resume their responsibilities. i think about how sometimes, they must get really fed up with always being the parent and how they probably wish they could get a break in every now and then. however, when the break they get is filled with whiny phone calls from the homefront at how bad things are going or how no one is obeying anyone, the break ceases to be a break and is but time away to think about what must be done once the time to come home comes. i've been trying to ease up on the complaints and stop the police-like authoritative leadership over my younger siblings, but it's hard once you've been given the role and are expected to do something you don't really really want to do. you know? maybe i'm complaining too much and simply saying that i value my parents even more now and don't want to be a parent (for now I mean)--i don't know. it's all very confusing in words but in my head it makes perfect sense what i'm thinking/feeling. i suppose it's the suppressed, frightened introvert in me (liz!!!!!???) who can't seem to find the words to use when i really want to use them and who's frustrated with how some relationships and interactions come like cake and others come like burnt toast. i think and think and think until suddenly, i'm at a loss for words. anyyyyyyways, i admire any single parents now way way way more. i can't even fathom this task. so to those who've been there and done that...you have my utmost respect. good night...i'm off to worship arts camp...night #3.