This quote from a book by Madeleine L"Engle I just now am finally finishing (after a good month or more of reading) sums up my latest frustrations about myself. I find it fasicinating, comforting and disturbing (all at the same time) that my life record seems to resemble that of the Israelites more and more, every day I keep living out. I remember when I was little...thinking how foolish the Israelites were for constantly screwing up again and again. And I remember how in 2nd grade when I first heard of Moses going up the mountain while the people of the Lord were busy building a golden calf, and how perplexed I was. "Why would anyone be stupid enough to build and worship a golden calf! That just seems silly," I thought. Now, I'm finding myself going much easier on them. I can see many golden calves being built before me, whenever I allow myself to forget God's mercy and instead, depend on the self. Is it bad that whenever I read the Old Testament now, that I'm usually not surprised at their actions, but rather, comforted to know that they had God speaking through the clouds to them and guiding them by pillars of fire and yet they still, repeatedly kept forgetting about his grace? I don't think it is. I just think it's another part of grace that I'm still trying to understand and figure out, and the fact of the matter is, I'm just not there yet.
Monday, October 11, 2004
the israelite record.
"I am, as ever, grateful that the scriptural protagonists are not virtuous or moral or perfect, but fallible mortals like the rest of us, struggling to understand what God wants of them, and often getting only the merest glimpse of the purpose for which they have been called."