i don't know what to make of dreams like these. i know they do the obvious of temporarily reminding me of what's really important in my life but i think that cliche response unfortunately makes it hard for me to consider things of this nature longer than a day or so. it seems like when something like this really happens, you stop your life and everything that serves you or your self is cut off. somehow--from then on--normal temptations that come your way are easier to overcome b/c you now see a bit more clearly. your priorities fall into place and the meaningless and the nothingness things in life are quickly refocused and put into perspective. usually, there's people left and obviously some regrets but not much else. then time passes by and you slowly fall into the routine of material living again and everything is just fine. i love what God has blessed me with, don't get me wrong. i'm just still trying to figure out when i'm abusing the things he's blessed me with and when i'm not. it all seems to come back to the self and whether or not you have you as number one in your life or if you don't. most of the time, i do and i think many people are with me on this one. maybe that's why it's so hard for so many self-servers to confront each other on something everbody is doing and guilty of simultaneously. i don't know how to confront selfishness in others. i tried to do it this week with my sister and it blew up in my face (sort of) and i felt guilty for saying the things i did and making her feel less of a person than she really is. we both cried and hugged and mended the harsh words for the moment, but again and again i thought about it and wondered if what i did was justifiably right or just plain selfish and wrong or purely serving my own pride. i guess i can sleep on this some more. sorry for the ramblings...hope this hasn't been too morbid--but i guess it's okay every once in awhile to be morbid...as long as it's not every day, all the time, right?
Sunday Morning Thoughts
10 months ago