But when comes the point when you have to stop being patient and sensitive and harmless, and really tell those you "love" what you really think? I was tempted to do this tonight. It was one of those times where you play out what might have happened if you would have said what you really wanted to say. I imagine (of course) every person in shock that I, Neville, could be so outspoken. What would they do with that? What would've happened if I had put them in the awkward position I so commonly feel they put me in?
Imperfection is the wound the Church possesses, yet, it's the one so many Christians are trying to run away from. What does that do to "normal" people who have problems and worries and get depressed and sometimes wish tomorrow would never come? Oh well, these people are abnormal, strange, confused, messed up, distraught, and ultimately "weird" as some of my Christian friends would put it. What is weird? If weird is what you mean when you say "weird" then I want to be weird b/c your idea of what is normal is so beyond rationale, it's practically inconceivable. Are you living on this planet? I would love to ask this person this question and expect a serious response/reply. But alas, I'm too timid and too reserved for my own good I suppose. Maybe I'll work up enough guts (like I did that one day last summer at Borgess, confronting the patient injustice that was going on in the face of angry nurses all around) but then again, maybe not. Give me time, and let me be. I'm sick of trying to fix and tip-toe around every thought that comes out of my mouth and so, perhaps in the coming weeks the real breaking point will come.
Oh and for those of you who are worried about me right now, don't be. I feel more calm and relieved having gotten some of this out than I have felt in days. Good night and thanks for reading my melodramatic inner turmoil thoughts/complaints/frustrations.