love is need you all!

i was thinking about the beatles' wonderful song "all you need is love," today after hearing "let it be" while driving about this morning. then for some odd reason, i got to thinking about that hypothesis with one or many of their songs that if you play them backward, there are certain hidden meanings there. so i thought, "what does that song title say backward?" after writing it, i kind of chuckled to myself. "love is need you all." now, i was born and raised for the first half of my life in beautiful greenville, south carolina, so, this wording doesn't seem as foreign to me as it may to some of you. when i read it, it goes something like, "love is NEED...y'all!" that's just the way my brain has learned to translate southern-sounding-sentences i guess.

but anyways, once i wrote that and looked at it, i got to thinking how i like that title much more than the beatles' one i think. i go back and forth on whether or not the idea that "all you need is love" is true or not. somedays i say 'yes,' and i think of God's love as being more than enough and more than all we need; other days i think, "no way is that enough---b/c that's just the beginning of what people need!" either way you look at it, i'm torn between believing and disbelieving in this beatles' title song. the reason i think that maybe the backwards title would fit more appropriately is b/c love is a need. when people don't experience it or don't know it or don't see it somewhere resting in themselves, they're dying. love is one of those few "wants" that is also a "need," and so, it becomes one big obstacle in life to try and give love away and receive love in return.

now, i know you (as a reader) can tell that i believe loving people is hard. for the most part, i think this b/c it seems to be the biggest problem i'm constantly dealing with in life: loving people as a whole. not just the ones who love me back but the ones i can't stand to be around too. these people are the real challenge.

recently, a wonderful woman (you know who you are) paid me the overly-kind compliment-in-the-form-of-a-question, saying, "how can someone like you who seems to love people so well think it's so hard?" now i must admit, at first, this made me feel proud. "yay me!" i thought to myself. then, i felt a sting that no one really likes to feel. it's the sting that reminds you where you've fallen short and not been as wonderful as the compliment you just received said you were. i began to think about all the people i had talked bad about that day and all the gossip i had fed and all the people i didn't like who i lived amongst, and how, this really didn't bother me that much. after these thoughts, i wanted to tell this woman the truth. the reason i think loving people is hard is b/c i'm only good (if that) at loving people who love me already, despite myself. and you don't have to be a biblical scholar teaching at fuller or bethel seminary to know that that isn't real impressive when it comes to following God's second greatest commandment. i keep trying to find somewhere in the bible where it excuses my unlove for people i don't like, but there are no such places and so, i guess i have to keep trying to love and realize that even though i may dislike this person beside me very very much, their need for love is just as worthy and vital as mine. grace is given to both of us, even though i don't understand really way. maybe it's b/c we'd both be too selfish to dispense it ourselves? i don't know. all i know right now is that this post is way too long and i hope that everyone who is reading this is having a wonderful weekend.

oh, and have fun in bolivia nate. i hope you see God in a big but different way. good night.