"you're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you."

these words i utter to my car, after hearing this janet jackson cover of a joni mitchell classic. yes, i said that right---to my car. i was driving home tonight from grand rapids after my last official evening with three of my siblings and a brother-in-law and was thinking of how much i've grown to really care for my car. now, don't write me off as idoling just yet...let me try to explain b/c i think it's a good thing to learn. with the car i now drive, i used to think it was flashy and too good for me when i first started driving it regularly in january of 2003. after all it was my dad's car and i was used to the 1990' junkers that i had been driving since i got my license. there was always an element of pride i felt in driving those junkees, and i can't exactly say why. maybe i felt it said of me, "yeah, i drive this piece of crap and that's okay with me b/c i'm not my car!." however, once my current 96' honda accord was given to me by my dad (still his car, i just drive it and say it's mine) i felt this front as 'junkee driver' simply wouldn't fit anymore. now though, i'm beginning to feel closer to this car than i should. it's just sunk in for good that this is now my car and it's coming with me to L.A. once again. it was there for me the first time around and it's here for me again. i dare not say i love my car, but if there was ever an appropriate time to say those three beautiful words to it, i'd have to say this is the moment where i give in, confess and speak the inevitable. i think it's b/c i see my car as a person who listens to me all the time, even when i don't speak. he's always trying to get me places even when i force him to get me there quicker than he likes to go. it really is a scary thing when you start to believe your car has a personality but i'm starting to think this. it's all up there--in my imagination--and i'd like to feel as though i know my car perhaps better than a few married people know their spouses. maybe b/c we're both getting older and as i go through stages of life, my little honda is going through his. he needs more flushes, more tune-ups and quicker oil refils as i do, but in more human terms.

i'm sure many reading are wondering just what i was smoking while dreaming this whole blog post up, but i'm begging you, it really does make sense in my head. i was thinking about it while driving and thought, 'i should write this down--even though it sounds a little loony.' so here i am, writing down another loony idea that actually makes me think i'm a little more human. i know, i'm weird--it's okay, you can think it. and on that note, i'd like to paraphrase lester burnham, from 'american beauty' when he responds to his wife's laughing demand:

"Oh Lester, (laugh-laugh, giggle-giggle) don't be weird!!"......"Fine honey, i won't be weird. I'll be whatever it is you want me to be."

he was being sarcastic and so was i. and to all of you who know what i mean by this whole post, i thank you very much.