Psalm 130.

For the past 3-4 nights, I've gone to sleep with the words of David in my head and it's been exactly what I've needed to hear. Every time I read the short passage from Psalm 130 (in the NIV or the MESSAGE paraphrase translation) I shake my head and can't believe God puts up with me the way he does..much less, loves me the way I need to be loved. I read it again tonight, this time, just from the Message translation, and so many more things came up to me. The first night I read it, the first two paragraphs stuck out to me but now, the last one in particular is hitting me over the head.

He writes: "O Israel, wait and watch for God---with God's arrival comes love,..with God's arrival comes generous redemption." It's pretty amazing and encouraging and uplifting (cheesy word but I've got no better word right now) especially after reading in the beginning of the Psalm where it says: "If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that's why you're worshiped.....I pray to God---my life a prayer---and wait for what he'll say and do. My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching till morning."

I want to live as if my life is on the line before God, but it seems like I'm the one who's wanting to be in charge of where this line is in my life. I want to say where I spend all of my time and energy and rarely seem to be letting the Holy Spirit move in me the way he has in the past. I read much of my journal from about a month ago tonight also and every entry I read, I saw God had answered the prayer I prayed for or requested. It was pretty amazing to see them already answered, b/c in truth, I don't think I actually believed he would answer them, i think I just hoped he would but assumed I wasn't spiritual enough for them too. I guess that's another thing I need to nail down---it's not about me, it's all about his mercy and grace and forgiveness and generous redemption and all-consuming, all-powerful and perfect love. Good night. Borgess Hospital is calling me to bed...my first day back starts tomorrow morning. Go Service Associates (S.A.)!!!