love is need you all!

i was thinking about the beatles' wonderful song "all you need is love," today after hearing "let it be" while driving about this morning. then for some odd reason, i got to thinking about that hypothesis with one or many of their songs that if you play them backward, there are certain hidden meanings there. so i thought, "what does that song title say backward?" after writing it, i kind of chuckled to myself. "love is need you all." now, i was born and raised for the first half of my life in beautiful greenville, south carolina, so, this wording doesn't seem as foreign to me as it may to some of you. when i read it, it goes something like, "love is NEED...y'all!" that's just the way my brain has learned to translate southern-sounding-sentences i guess.

but anyways, once i wrote that and looked at it, i got to thinking how i like that title much more than the beatles' one i think. i go back and forth on whether or not the idea that "all you need is love" is true or not. somedays i say 'yes,' and i think of God's love as being more than enough and more than all we need; other days i think, "no way is that enough---b/c that's just the beginning of what people need!" either way you look at it, i'm torn between believing and disbelieving in this beatles' title song. the reason i think that maybe the backwards title would fit more appropriately is b/c love is a need. when people don't experience it or don't know it or don't see it somewhere resting in themselves, they're dying. love is one of those few "wants" that is also a "need," and so, it becomes one big obstacle in life to try and give love away and receive love in return.

now, i know you (as a reader) can tell that i believe loving people is hard. for the most part, i think this b/c it seems to be the biggest problem i'm constantly dealing with in life: loving people as a whole. not just the ones who love me back but the ones i can't stand to be around too. these people are the real challenge.

recently, a wonderful woman (you know who you are) paid me the overly-kind compliment-in-the-form-of-a-question, saying, "how can someone like you who seems to love people so well think it's so hard?" now i must admit, at first, this made me feel proud. "yay me!" i thought to myself. then, i felt a sting that no one really likes to feel. it's the sting that reminds you where you've fallen short and not been as wonderful as the compliment you just received said you were. i began to think about all the people i had talked bad about that day and all the gossip i had fed and all the people i didn't like who i lived amongst, and how, this really didn't bother me that much. after these thoughts, i wanted to tell this woman the truth. the reason i think loving people is hard is b/c i'm only good (if that) at loving people who love me already, despite myself. and you don't have to be a biblical scholar teaching at fuller or bethel seminary to know that that isn't real impressive when it comes to following God's second greatest commandment. i keep trying to find somewhere in the bible where it excuses my unlove for people i don't like, but there are no such places and so, i guess i have to keep trying to love and realize that even though i may dislike this person beside me very very much, their need for love is just as worthy and vital as mine. grace is given to both of us, even though i don't understand really way. maybe it's b/c we'd both be too selfish to dispense it ourselves? i don't know. all i know right now is that this post is way too long and i hope that everyone who is reading this is having a wonderful weekend.

oh, and have fun in bolivia nate. i hope you see God in a big but different way. good night.

small group stuff.

okay, so it's my second time attending the mosaic movie small group (or "life group" as they're called here at Mosaic) and i hate to admit this, but i think i'm going to love it. at tonight's get together, we played games, talked about TV shows i had never seen, and collectively as a group, i was psychoanalyzed at the end as to what myers' brigg 4-letter tempermant i was. it's pretty neat to have people who don't know you, don't know your background, your family, or anyone else related to you, try and "pick" you out and "place" you into categories from only two casual, short visits. at the end of a much heated scattegories game (i was willing to bend the categories more than one or two people wanted to---for instance, when the subject was "STATES"...and the letter had to start with "B", no one else came up with a state that began with the letter "B", but I casually and confidently said I wasn't thinking in terms of states as in America, and that I was thinking in more of philosophical "states" of mind and such. of course, they didn't know me well enough to know that i was half-kidding, but anyways, so I answered/offered "BEING" as my answer.) to my surprise, they all were shocked and said things like, "i've never thought of that...but yeah, that makes sense! wow! so creative!"....i was giggling on the inside, even though i was personally convinced that "yes, it did make sense, and it was a perfectly good answer!"

so as i was saying, later, after game-playing was done for the night, two people in the group quickly asked me if i knew what my myers' brigg tempermant was. i said i did and they were like, "okay wait, let us guess!" and so i did. they both thought i was INTP, which is funny if you know what that means (I'm ENFP the last time i checked but think the E might be an I now actually). they both said i was a "P" (perceiving) b/c i didn't seem to like to play by the rules and always was seeking away from "J" (justice/judgement). interesting observation, right? then they thought i was "T" (thinking) primarily b/c of my stretched and "out of the box" answers. which, is just really funny b/c i'm probably extreme "F" (feeling---opposite of thinking) and so it struck me as humurous that they would say that. obviously they had never seen me at the end of watching a movie like "about schmidt," or "finding nemo." anyways, i found the night to be a complete delight. there's something just downright hilarious when people get you so right and when they get you so wrong, when it comes to what kind of personality you are. it's like you can shocked and appalled at the same time. whatever. all i know is, it was a very funny evening. hope yours was equally enjoyable. good night.

skipping around on a bike.

i've been meaning to do one of these two things for awhile, and yesterday, the urge was finally put into practice. i haven't been outside, officially bike-riding in a very long time. like, maybe two years or more. so yesterday afternoon, i decided to give it a whirl and soak up the unusually cool and Fall-smelling breeze of Upland, California and go for a ride. on my way out of the driveway, i thought about one more thing that i hadn't done in a long time that---like bike-riding---i did a lot of when i was little: skipping! now, i haven't tried to "skip" in years so when i tried it in the Guge's driveway, i was laughing outloud at myself (no one else around but i'm sure there were a few 'rear window'-window-eye-balling folks who were scratching their head wondering what this 22-year-old guy was doing skipping by himself down a driveway)...and it was a pretty great feeling to experience again. kind of like a nostalgic throw-back song from 1995, that when you hear it, you immediatly think of junior high and all your friends thinking it was the greatest song in the world. now, it seems to be somewhat forgotten.

after skipping for about 20 seconds (i got tired real fast), i hopped on the bike and realized just how much heavier i am now compared to when i was my scrawny 8-year-old self. balancing was weird, going up hill was like pulling teeth for my legs, and i suddenly got the horrible-yet-okay feeling that i was indeed getting older. yes, yes, i'm melodramatic about the entire thing, but i just found it funny that yesterday was the first of two things that had left my life for a seemingly long time and that when i came back to them, i felt old and wanted to be a kid again. and then i realized the irony yet again---when you're a kid, you want nothing more than to be an adult, and when you're an adult you usually want the opposite. another one of life's great paradoxes...and on that note, i'll leave you. but please, try skipping sometime this week if you haven't lately. it's such a weird thing to do and when you think of what you're actually doing while you're doing it, i guarantee you'll have a laugh or two. ok, good day.

indian cuisine and familiar faces.

thanks to art and marty cosgrove (art is a pastor at my church back in michigan) visiting marty's parents who live in duarte, california, i was able to meet up with them for lunch today and eat my very first real, authentic indian meal. marty grew up in Pakistan so that is why she loves the food so much..and art, well i think he just liked it even before he met marty so that worked out good for both of them i guess. it was wonderful seeing faces from my home church, and being able to talk about michigan and RBC and my family with friends who know what i'm talking about. and as far as the food goes, i'm happy to report that i actually really enjoyed almost everything i tried. i guess i am what marty would call, "an adventuresome eater" after all.

after this, a few hours later, i met up with mister kevin sparks himself, the savvy wall street fellow taylor grad who now works in new york city. we ate at the cheesecake factory (a mini-tradition of ours) and had lots of laughs and caught up on each other's lives. after i dropped him back off at his hotel (he's in L.A. for the next two weeks), i had that sinking feeling set in of satisfaction-turned-nostalgia, and began to miss my taylor friends. i had a wonderful time, but i was sad in a way b/c i realized that this was how most of my friendships would eventually turn out in post-taylor years: random meetings every once in a blue moon over dinner, catching up on our lives, and quickly exchanging our "why we miss taylor" stories every now and then. so to any still in taylor person reading this, i encourage you like a good parent would (i'm not a parent but oh well) to don't waste the time you have left. you'll already be regretting how fast in went once you leave so there's no use in regretting also how you rarely took advantage of meeting people and getting to know those whom you never would think of getting to know. despite all its quirks and setbacks, taylor still is a pretty wonderful place.

a little bit of longfellow.

"The Day is Done"

The day is done, and the darkness
Falls from the wings of Night,
As a feather is wafted downward
From an eagle in his flight.

I see the lights of the village
Gleam through the rain and the mist,
And a feeling of sadness comes o'er me
That my soul cannot resist:

A feeling of sadness and longing,
That is not akin to pain,
And resembles sorrow only
As the mist resembles the rain.

Come, read to me some poem,
Some simple and heartfelt lay,
That shall soothe this restless feeling,
And banish the thoughts of day.

Not from the grand old masters,
Not from the bards sublime,
Whose distant footsteps echo
Through the corridors of Time.

For, like strains of martial music,
Their mighty thoughts suggest
Life's endless toil and endeavor;
And to-night I long for rest.

Read from some humbler poet,
Whose songs gushed from his heart,
As showers from the clouds of summer,
Or tears from the eyelids start;

Who, through long days of labor,
And nights devoid of ease,
Still heard in his soul the music
Of wonderful melodies.

Such songs have power to quiet
The restless pulse of care,
And come like the benediction
That follows after prayer.

Then read from the treasured volume
The poem of thy choice,
And lend to the rhyme of the poet
The beauty of thy voice.

And the night shall be filled with music,
And the cares, that infest the day,
Shall fold their tents, like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away.

This is one of my favorite Longfellow poems so please, if you hated it, keep it to yourself. Good night all.

i'll fly away.

even though i appreciate (for the most part) the plethora of praise courses coming out of my generation, i still wish we would balance things a little more with some of the beautiful hymns of the past. i was listening to a modern rendition of "i'll fly away" on the way to classes today and was wondering why songs like this and so many others ("how great thou art," "in christ alone," etc.) seem to carry a certain richness that many contemporary praise courses feel to be lacking in. i was wondering, as someone reminded me just minutes ago in an email, if it has something to do with the "great cloud of witnesses" that have so graciously come before us. because, when i sing "how great thou art," no matter what the musical rendition, i have never not been moved. there's power in legacy, in tradition, and in heritage. i don't want to be simply "all about the new" or "all about the old" when it comes to songs that praise the Lord b/c both seem to be flawed. however, i wish many churches would remember that faith doesn't get stale when it gets older, but rather, it becomes more meaningful, and rich and powerful. thank you madeleine for reminding me of that repeatedly.

meet philip yancey.

last night, i went to go hear philip yancey speak at the university of california santa barbara (ucsb) in a kind of lecture session created on state college campuses from a group of christians who wanted open discussion in public circles about truth...and other life questions. the group began at harvard a long time ago and has been spreading everywhere since. so, i went to the ucsb version of this and it was wonderful. yancey spoke (my first time hearing him / seeing him in person) for almost an hour and then opened up the floor to any question on the brain of the audience. as i listened, it was comforting to know that there are other christians out there who struggle with american politics (i.e,. christians are republicans, non-christians are democrats), who appreciate beauty and classical music and truth wherever this may be in life, and who are still balanced enough and wise enough to believe in faith, hope and love as the means for christianity being able to redeem the world.

after he spoke, i wanted to go to talk to him, basically to thank him...for meeting me where i was at a year and a half ago through the book "reaching for the invisible god," (not a famous one of his---but still, a great book). it was a book that dealt with my doubt honestly and at that time, i needed someone to honestly tell me that doubting God was okay and that sometimes, thinking God was just an ideal i was reaching for or wanting to believe was okay too. i thanked him for being a voice not often voiced, and he received my comments as humbly as he humanly could. it's funny b/c usually, i don't like meeting famous people b/c they always end up disappointing the ideal of them you have in your head. most of the time, i would rather avoid meeting the person b/c i want to keep up that wonderful, beautiful view of them in my head...rather than meet the real them. however, i'm happy to report that the real philip yancey is what you get when you read him, and for this reason, i was refreshed after talking to him, rather than disappointed (as i usually am in these cases). it's nice to hear about grace again and again in a world so in love with the idea of gracelessness being the norm.

thursday lament.

i used to think the bible had little to offer the complainer or the person who felt so very alone and abandoned or the one who is ever depressed. after all, the bible was about hope, not despair. yet, i'm so incredibly grateful the writers of Scripture were sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit in order to be honest and vulnerable and willing to admit their desperate thoughts and feelings. a passage i came across in Lamentations this afternoon reassured me again of this beautiful, and comforting truth:

"This is why I weep and my eyes overflow with tears. No one is near to comfort me, no one to restore my spirit."

"sorry, but you're going to hell...."

I've always been uneasy around people who decide the eternal fate of people so black-and-white, and matter-of-fact like. It's as if they enjoy damning people to hell or something. Now, it's not that I have a problem with being upfront or honest (or maybe it is and I do have that problem) it's just that I don't want to be the one responsible for sending people to hell or guiding them away from heaven. God never gave anyone that right or responsibility, did He?

Along those same lines, it's interesting the way we talk of not judging people and how many Christians preach casually that we're not supposed to judge anyone, EVER! Yet, then there are other Christians who judge practically every living thing in sight (from humans to animals to even ideas)! It seems both are inappropriate responses, really. Paul proclaimed, "What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside." (I Cor. 5-12,13a) After reading that I have only three words left to speak: what a relief.

the israelite record.

"I am, as ever, grateful that the scriptural protagonists are not virtuous or moral or perfect, but fallible mortals like the rest of us, struggling to understand what God wants of them, and often getting only the merest glimpse of the purpose for which they have been called."

This quote from a book by Madeleine L"Engle I just now am finally finishing (after a good month or more of reading) sums up my latest frustrations about myself. I find it fasicinating, comforting and disturbing (all at the same time) that my life record seems to resemble that of the Israelites more and more, every day I keep living out. I remember when I was little...thinking how foolish the Israelites were for constantly screwing up again and again. And I remember how in 2nd grade when I first heard of Moses going up the mountain while the people of the Lord were busy building a golden calf, and how perplexed I was. "Why would anyone be stupid enough to build and worship a golden calf! That just seems silly," I thought. Now, I'm finding myself going much easier on them. I can see many golden calves being built before me, whenever I allow myself to forget God's mercy and instead, depend on the self. Is it bad that whenever I read the Old Testament now, that I'm usually not surprised at their actions, but rather, comforted to know that they had God speaking through the clouds to them and guiding them by pillars of fire and yet they still, repeatedly kept forgetting about his grace? I don't think it is. I just think it's another part of grace that I'm still trying to understand and figure out, and the fact of the matter is, I'm just not there yet.

prayers and praises from a 7th grade Bible class.

today, i had the opportunity to observe a few classes at the school that just hired me as a substitute teacher and while the high school classes i sat in on were fine, the middle school one definititely took the cake. i recall five of the 20+ prayer requests (which 7 of them at least had to do with someone's dog or cat who might be sick, etc.) which i want to sharee b/c they were just too unique and hilarious to keep to myself. granted, i'm sure a few were just trying to get a laugh out of the class, but still...you have to admire their ambition to request prayer for something the teacher questions, "is this the most important thing you can think of to bring to God?" and them casually answer promptly, "Yep!".

Imagine a class full of 20 hands raised high in the air, shaking and waving to be called on. The teacher calls on kids one-by-one.

JIMMY: "Yeah, I have a praise for the football team having a 'buy' this week (they don't have any team to play so there's no game)! I'm just glad we don't have to play anyone!" Mrs. Currier writes it on the overhead, a little confused.

EMILY: "Yeah, my neighbor keeps smoking pot every night and my other neighbor, that lives across the street...their car got egged last night!" Mrs. Currier asks, "So what would you like us to pray for?" Emily thinks..."Umm...Uhh...that they stop smoking pot?" She said it like it was a trick quesiton. The class giggles.

CARL: "Yeah, can we pray for my sister's best friend--she went to the dentist and found out she has four cavities (the class gasps!)! But...she's british so that makes sense, but still..she needs help!" Mrs. Currier was confused again, "She's what?" Carl responded, "British! And British people have bad teeth!" The guy sitting next to Carl intervened, laughing at him as if he were stupid, "No you idiot! British peope don't have bad teeth. Peope who live in Britain usually don't have good teeth!!" Carl stands (or rather, sits) corrected.

JOSEPH: "Yeah, my Grandma keeps eating Big Mac's and Coke...and she's 70! So pray that she'll just not do that b/c she's old and keep putting salt on everything and stuff." Mrs. Currier nods and says, "So pray for her health?" Joseph responds, "Yeah b/c she can't keep eating Big Macs at her age."

AARON: "For my dog to stop peeing all over the house!" (The class laughs, of course) Mrs. Currier asks, "Is that something that really needs prayer???" Aaaron jumps in quickly and seriously, "Oh yeah! Because my mom yells at him and won't let him in the house all day b/c of it. So now he can only come in at night!" (The class "awweees") And that's the end of prayer time. Now, it becomes a hand-raising battle for who gets to pray for who's prayer request. I'll leave you with Jimmy's comment, who was sitting right in front of me: "Did someone already get Jenny's prayer request?" Mrs. Currier answers, "Yep, it's taken." "DANG IT!" Jimmy complains. "I wanted that one!"

TGIF.

evangelism no more?

i often wonder what many people and leaders and hard-core evangelists would do if the entire world got "saved." that is, if they all came to know Christ and believe by faith that He was, and is God. what would people preach on then? would we just twiddle our thumbs, and pray for the rapture to come? i'm saying this b/c a lot of time, i feel like people enjoying one another gets downplayed as not as "important" as it really is (in terms of the Church and its overall mission). if i'm called to love my enemy yet i can't stand to even be in the same room with him/her, what's the point in the world being saved if we can't enjoy God's rich blessings upon us as redeemed ones under Christ? just a thought.

why lying is not as sinful as doing drugs.

I just had my first interview at a local Christian high school to be hired as one of their substitute teachers and while everything went well, I wanted to share something the dean of students shared with me. After asking about my background and past, she proceeded to talk about how Christian kids are just as normal as regular kids and that it's not like teaching here is somehow easier than teaching in a public school setting. I agreed, and said I wasn't applying here b/c I thought the kids would be "easier to handle," and said that was good. She then began to talk about her students and how most of them don't get into big problems like drugs or "stuff like that," (which I highly doubt--I wanted to say, "but you just said.." but didn't) and I smiled as if I was glad that none of those types of kids attended here. She told though that while her own past was "Christian-based," in that she was raised in the Church and all that, her testimony still mattered even though she never went through these "extreme bad times" like "doing drugs," or getting all "wild and crazy in my youth." I nodded in agreement even though I couldn't help but feel like she was sending me mixed messages. Then she started talking about teaching and things to do if the teacher leaves no lesson plan. She began to say, "One thing I like to do is tell the kids their teacher is offering anyone extra credit (Of course, I'm lying...they didn't really say that---I'm just telling them that to get them involved in the classroom) and create some educational game for them to play. They usually get really into it if they think they're going to get extra credit for it."

Now, I'm not joking. The Dean of STudents here actually told me that, speaking of lying as if it was this excusable action only reserved for Christian people in certain Christian education settings. I'm not sure if that's the best way to begin teaching or not, but I know one thing: if you asked this woman the question, "which is worse in God's eyes, 'lying or doing drugs' she'd be the first to say, "They're the same in God's eyes!!!" Yet, I can't help but not believe that for one minute. She thinks deep down that doing drugs is much worse and that, really is unfortunate. Perhaps this job will give me a chance to lie my head off?

Only at a Christian school I tell you. Only at a Christian school. Good day friend.

kerry vs. bush---round 1

i believe it was plato who said that for a person to be considered a good "rhetorician," they must possess both wisdom AND eloquence. when you have one without the other, you just seem to be missing something. tonight in the debates i felt like this was so true. bush had the wisdom, but little eloquence in his speech and his performance, and kerry had the eloquence down (and wow some of the rhetorical devices he used---he knows how to debate) but lacked much in the wisdom dept. granted, tonight doesn't change who i'm voting for, i would like to know why can't we just get someone in the white house who has both?